Thursday 13: "Slimy, yet satisfying"

"Slimy, yet satisfying." That's what Timon and Pumbaa teach young Simba about eating bugs instead of fresh meat when they find him in The Lion King. (Not to be confused with The Lion King 2 or The Lion King 1 1/2, though I'm sure we own them all if you need to borrow them for clarification.) Anyway, while going about my day yesterday, I found myself reviewing things that I do as part of my routine that I also find oddly satisfying. (Though eating bugs in lieu of meat will definitely NOT be one of them.)

1. Hanging out the laundry-Maybe it is because as a very small child I used to do this with my great-great Grandma and Aunt M or because Anne and I spent several of our adolescent summers in Tucson doing likewise, but I really enjoy what I'm sure most would find to be a really unpleasant task. I try to drag Natalie out there with me as much as possible to keep me company, so far she doesn't find nearly as therapeutic as I do.
2. Kneading Bread-While I usually do use a breadmaker for such a task, I brought one recipe home from Italy that not only is unadaptable to the breadmaker, but also requires ten full minutes of kneading. I don't make it often, but when I do I understand better why pioneer women probably didn't need as much Prozac. (I also understood this when I used to demo rug-beating at work.)
3. Decluttering-I'm trying to get the house down to a more acceptable level of chaos before the baby comes and life as I know it stops altogether for about 6 weeks and turns into a sleep-deprived blur. (During which time the older kids go back to school and the whole taxi driving routine begins again. Yikes!) Anyway, I've gone back to my Flylady roots and spend as many days as I can getting rid of as much as possible. Every day, I dread doing it and procrastinate a lot before getting started. And then, without fail, it is nearly impossible for me to stop myself once I get going.
4. Overpaying on things like car payments, credit cards, and the mortgage-I think my husband and I will always be at odds over this one, but I love paying more than I need to on all of the above. One of the things I'm doing as part of the 'bail our rear-ends out of debt yet again' financial plan is reviewing our various debts and seeing what can be paid off with the liquid assets from my money market acct. (set up by my Dad and I in lieu of a retirement package when it became obvious I wouldn't re-enter the workforce until my mid-30's) We really needed to pay off Dave's car, so much that I was willing to cash out some things at a loss if needed. BUT, it turned out that we owed far less on it than we realized and will be able to pay it off without a problem by the end of the week. That is one piece of good news I really needed this week.
5. Filling my pantry as cheaply and healthily as possible-I'll spare you the minute details, but let's just say I love the fact that there is an Aldi's and a Wal-Mart within a block of each other about 15 minutes north of my house. The thrill is in saving my receipts and then trying to go under the total from the week before last.
6. Fixing something myself-The longer it sits on DH's 'to-do' list without getting done, the more satisfied I am when I do it without him. My most recent accomplishment has been hanging up the rest of the clothesline. He was "pretty sure" we were still saving money only hanging up half of the laundry and just putting the other half load in the dryer. I wasn't. I love my new clotheslines, and I love even more that they can be taken down and put up easily so we don't accidentally hang ourselves when we are in the backyard. Anyone want to help me replace the Master Bathroom toilet? Or finishing the halfway set-up crib. That's up next, but I'm not sure all the bending over and lifting at 38 weeks pregnant will be all that easy by myself. (The crib is actually my fault, last night he realized he was missing a bolt and used the words "rig up something else" in conjunction with finishing my baby's bed. I said to just wait and buy the right bolt on the way home from work today and therefore do it right. I'm so picky sometimes.)
7. Exercising-Much like decluttering, I can come up with every excuse in the world NOT to get started. But then I always feel so great and am so gratified by the results. Of course, just getting through my day with four kids and a very pregnant body feels like a workout lately, but I can't wait to start reclaiming myself once this baby decides to show up.
8. Bringing something good to read to my Dr. appointments-While all the other pregnant mommies are jockeying for the two newest copies of whatever Dr. P has out  in the waiting room, I'm enjoying my copy of Home Comforts or Anne Lamott essays without bothering to look up until my name is called. I'll admit it's a little silly, but having my own book that I don't have to share makes me happy.
9. Dropping off recycling or clothes/items to their proper bins in town-We are great about boxing and sorting here, and terrible about remembering to drop it off. So, as annoying as it is to drive into town with our loads o'junk, driving away from the drop-off spots feels great!
10. Using my own shopping bags-Little old ladies in Italy discovered this LONG before it became the trendy and green thing to do here in the USA. But I'm glad it's finally caught on here too.
11. Giving my opinion on matters other than homemaking and child-rearing-Shortly before leaving my job, I attended a museum round table discussion about issues concerning...welll...museums (and libraries). Over the summer, I was invited to be a part of a museum focus group evaluating public perception, I have also taught a couple of lessons in Relief Society that focused on church doctrine in the last few months. It's not that I don't embrace my role as a mother, but there is more to me than that and it is nice to tap into those places from time-to-time as well.
12. Finishing a shopping or to-do list-I'm very good at making these, but when it comes to completing them...THAT'S when I find the joy in them.
13. Making a menu for the week and sticking to it-When I do this, the kids know what we're eating, the shopping budget stays on track, and life just goes a lot more smoothly. It may not be as spontaneous as other families, but it works much better for me than guesswork every day at noon and 4 p.m.

For more Thursday Thirteen's, click here.

Now I've Heard it All

My husband can be a bit of a know-it-all (picturing my friend Chris reading this and saying, "A BIT?!!" but I'm trying to be nice here). Last weekend he took us several miles out of our way by accidentally exiting onto LBJ (I-635 in Dallas) from I-35 south simply because both the GPS and I were telling him he needed to get one more lane over and we clearly don't know as much as he does. I may not drive that much in Dallas anymore (I'll admit I prefer to have him do it), but I certainly had to as a single gal. Before they built the Oklahoma City temple, the closest one to attend was in Dallas and it is located off of 635 and Preston Rd. So while I know nothing about downtown Dallas, the Grapevine area, OR all the new George Bush toll highways; I do know the LBJ/I-35 junctions and exits going both north and south very well. It didn't really inconvenience us that badly, but sometimes his constant surety that HE is right is very annoying, especially when he isn't. (And while he didn't exactly apologize, he did acknowledge that we were on LBJ a lot quicker this time around than he would have a few years ago.)

So, last night the baby is kicking and squirming and letting me know in all ways that she is crowded and uncomfortable. Since I knew she was awake, I thought I would try something I read about recently. I grabbed a flashlight and tried to get her to follow the light. Given how quickly she stopped moving altogether (for which my bladder said "thank you, thank you!), she had no interest in this at all. The kids and I tried for a few minutes more before giving up on it. To which my husband said "Well, Mom would have a lot more luck with that if she didn't do things like that while the baby was sleeping." Umm...excuse me? I may not be a walking road map, I may not know how to put a crib together or replace a toilet (because if I did those things would be done by now and not still works in progress...AHEM); but as I'm the one carrying the baby and as I'm the one who has had four babies before this; I *think* I know better than he does when the baby is awake and when she isn't. I'm not mad and I wasn't last night when he said it, but I am incredibly amused. Apparently, he really does know everything.

Riding in Cars with my Daughter

Natalie and I have some of our best talks in the car. I think it's because my need to face the road and not her, and her relative anonymity in the backseat makes it not unlike a confessional experience for us. On Saturday, Natalie was invited to a birthday party. It was already a little bit deja vu for me because the party was at the OU Pool where I used to walk from my parent's little rent house near campus almost daily in the summer from grades 4th-6th. (I would NEVER let my children do this. I'd say "what were my parents thinking"? but back then, we all did it.) It was also pretty neat because it was a party for the niece of one of my close friends from middle school and high school. In fact, because Natalie will be attending a different middle school than the one her elementary school feeds into, this young lady is the only person she will know at the start of the school year. That touches me too, because I met her aunt during the first week of 7th grade right after her family had moved here from Venezuela.

And so, I was trying to explain all the connections to Natalie as we drove to the pool. This friend and some of our trials have been mentioned on this blog here, but I was hoping not to get into all of that with my 11 year-old daughter who still thinks I'm a pretty decent person. And of course, the first thing she asked was "why don't we know her as well as we do Aunt Chris, Aunt Wendy, and Aunt Lanie?" I guess I could have fibbed and chalked it all up to her going to France as part of an exchange program just after high school or because she married and moved away many years ago. However, I deal in honesty with my children and while Natalie didn't need the full, detailed story; I did tell her that I let a stupid boy that I liked come between us. That he had done so because he wanted to isolate me from my friends so that he had more control over me. And that I had been too afraid to defy him because I was worried no one else would ever think I was cute or want to marry me if I did anything to make him go away. I went on to tell her that the other "aunts" in her life were a little younger than I was which mattered more back then, and he didn't find their proxemity to me as threatening. Her response? "Boy did he underestimate them, Mom!" (She SO gets it, I love her.) I told her that I had been very wrong to do that. That I wished she knew C's aunt as well as she did my other friends. That yes, we had made up and I no longer felt guilty, but that there are years we could have had as friends that we will never get back now. I told her that once I had finally shaken this jerk loose, there had been many other boys who wanted to date me and that I had had no problems finding a husband and that it was foolish to think that the first boy who liked me was the only one who ever would. And finally, I pointed out to her that while I loved her dad and he was a good provider and a good father; at the end of the day it has always been her "aunts" that have pulled me through the roughest times in my life and that I'm glad I never managed to run the rest of them off, even though I can think of several occasions where they would have been wise to leave.

This led to a fairly productive chat between us about why she would have rules for dating that I never did, why I would likely be more over-protective than even her dad was when she did start dating, and some things I've learned about boys in my time. Her comment? "Middle school boys are turning out to be a lot dumber than I thought they would be." (My comment to myself? "YES!") I hope she was listening to what I was saying. I hope she remembers it later when it will matter more to her. I hope she and this niece become good friends at school next year. And I hope Natalie's "aunts" know how very much I love them-and that includes the one I almost lost forever.

*While I hate to take away from the sweet ending to this post. I just have to include the end to our conversation:

Natalie: Mom? There's one piece of mom-advice you forgot to give me just now.
Me: What's that?
Natalie: Never go by yourself to meet someone you talked to first online.
Me: Well, when I was your age, there was no "online."
Natalie: Really?!

And she shot me a look that said she was pretty sure I was just slightly younger than the dinosaurs before joining her friends in the pool.*

By Way of Explanation

Some of my closest friends worry when I explain myself too much that I have slipped back into patterns of living my life to please everyone else and placing myself on the lowest rung of what's important. A slightly censored walk down memory lane with my oldest daughter yesterday brought back memories of how much I used to do that and showed me with older, more experienced eyes how much those incredible women loved me and helped me get over that part of myself. (Natalie has become friends with one of Susan's nieces, and I was telling her how that all fits together in the grand scheme of things. That conversation alone would make for good blog fodder, maybe later this week.) So, I want to reassure them that while I don't feel the need to apologize for things I said in my last post, I do want to clarify what I wrote lest I come across as "ungrateful" which is a quality I do find unappealing in people-and overwhelmingly a problem for today's youth. (And this I know very well because I work with them.)

The last part of my Week In Review post mentioned my disappointment that no one from my local church congregation attended my baby shower. This is not because I have greedy aspirations for baby gifts, it was a "diaper" shower and even without any of their participation I received plenty of those. (At least 2-3 months' worth.) But what does hurt is that this baby will be raised not just by me, but by the very people who avoided my shower yesterday. In a couple of months, my husband will name and bless this baby in front of them, standing in a circle with some of their husbands. As much as I'm dreading it, I will have to inconvenience myself finding nooks and crannies to nurse in as this building has NO dedicated space for that and an overcrowding problem anyway. I'm pretty dedicated to breastfeeding, and typical Okie culture is not exactly supportive and (as I've been told) neither is this particular branch. However, I have responsibilities to myself, my children, and the other church members to show up and contribute and I will do that despite the huge annoyance that finding a place to feed the baby is going to be. (Elisa was still nursing when we moved here, so I've already dealt with this once.) When the baby reaches 18 months-old, she will be in the Nursery, then in the Primary, and so on and so forth and these people will be her teachers. She will be PART of this congregation. Could no one take a couple of hours out of their day to celebrate her anticipated arrival with me? Apparently not. And it makes me not want to share her with any of them.

If I've learned one thing over the course of this particular pregnancy, it's that whether or not it was my intention to get pregnant, the ability to conceive and have a healthy baby at the age of 37 is really a miraculous thing and whether it's the first baby or the fifth baby, ALL babies arrivals should be celebrated. I don't know why it took 5 kids before I figured this out, but I'm guessing all the extra testing (which prompted a little too much research on my part), watching some of the people closest to me struggle with infertility, and a few very publicized losses here in the Blogosphere earlier this spring have really opened my eyes to the fact that I am supremely lucky and blessed to be having a healthy baby-even if it is "another girl," even if I have done this four times before, and even if it does make me "an unemployed mother of 5." (Ten points to whoever guesses which one of the family members has been tossing that one around over the last month.) Because I've read too much about all that can go wrong with pregnancy at my age and because I've been exposed to a lot of grief and loss both in my personal life and here online in the last nine months, I am extremely grateful for this little girl-perhaps more so than I was for any of my other children because this time I get it in ways that I didn't before now.

When I was still working and we were doing our Land Run re-enactment week, there were two older ladies who volunteered. One was back from the year before, the other was the wife of our accountant. Both women are lovely and I was happy to spend time with them between teaching sessions. Both of them come from the Baby Boomer generation who, like my FIL, believe you should only replace yourself and your spouse when you reproduce and both of them told me that if they had to do it over again; they would have had more children. Seated next to me at my shower yesterday was the hostess's mother. She raised her children in Peru and of the nine she gave birth to, only five lived past their first year or even past their first few hours. My kids think she's their "abuelita" too and she has showered each and every one of them with hugs, kisses, and that adoration understood primarily by those few other women who have stood in her shoes and know that each baby really and truly is a miracle. I'm very grateful that I didn't have to learn that lesson in the same way that she did, but I'm glad that I eventually did learn the lesson. And so, I am not apologizing for anything that sounded like "sour grapes" yesterday. But I also feel the need to explain where my mind and heart were when I wrote what I did and I don't think I can do it any better than I've just done here.

Week In Review

Reading-

Plan B Further Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott

I just started reading this and so far I LOVE it. I took it with me to my Dr. appt. last week and it made me so happy in the waiting room that I'm saving some of it to finish at my appointment next week. This woman definitely speaks my language when it comes to both writing and religion. I read Grace Eventually last summer, so I am apparently reading these out of order, but this one is so far my favorite of the two.

The Duggar Family: 20 and Counting

No, I don't have any plans to take after them. However, I'm about to have more children in my own home than I ever envisioned and I wondered if there was anything in this book to help me. Most of it, I'm already familiar with; but I did like finding out about how the family started out, how they have no debt, and learned that Michelle is a Weight Watchers devotee just like me. It wasn't a very long read, and it turns out I have more in common with the family than I thought I did. It was worth the time I spent reading it.

Listening

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Thanks to a quick trip to Dallas, we are almost through with this one quickly. Obviously, we are going to miss my goal of being through with Book 5 before we see the movie for Book 6, but since it will likely only be Natalie who sees it with me; that's OK. She just finished reading all seven books (again) recently. Still it's nice when Caroline or Tristan start asking for Harry Potter as soon we get into the car. I knew Natalie loved it, and I'm glad the others do too. Listening to this one did bring up on question that I don't believe Ms. Rowling ever addressed in subsequent books or her other supplemental interviews: Exactly what house did Professor Gilderoy Lockhart come from, anyway? I Twittered this and asked it on Facebook and the consensus was Slytherin. There were compelling reasons for that, but I'm still unsure. All I know is that is wasn't Gryffindor.

Watching

Michael Jackson's Memorial-

My kids are so sick of Michael Jackson music and media coverage that it almost amuses me. Needless to say, they weren't pleased about me tuning into this show at all. But, his career span pretty much matches my lifespan, and I felt compelled. However, I did not expect to get emotional about it. But I did. No more so than when his daughter (who is Natalie's age) talked about her "Daddy." Think what you may of him, but I think he did right by those kids and I feel for them in this situation more than anyone else. If fans truly wanted to do "what Michael would have wanted" they would leave them alone to lead as normal a life as they can, but I doubt it will happen. Poor babies. All in all, it was a very touching tribute and I'm glad I bothered with it if for nothing else than the last ten minutes of it when the family spoke.

What Not to Wear-

I like this show WAY more than I should. Will it improve the way I dress after baby? Probably not, but I do enjoy watching anyway.

Out and About

The Big D-

Before I knew we were broke, I told Dave he could take the kids to Medieval Times one weekend this summer. When I found out we were broke, I also discovered he had already purchased tickets. So, I Pricelined an acceptable room (I know that's not a verb, but for those of us who use the service; it should be.) and decided to let them have their fun anyway. I'm glad that I did. We did a lot of window shopping, I got some alone time while Dave and the kids were at the show, we listened to a lot of Harry Potter; and we made it home in time for a birthday party Natalie wanted to attend AND my shower. Which was also good timing because apparently my grandmother was rushed to the hospital last night while I was enjoying that alone time and is stablized in the CCU today. I saw her as soon as the shower was over this evening and she seems to be doing well. My sister works there, so my infomation is very good right now and her outlook is also very good. Apparently, her bad heart and this bad heat aren't very compatible. It makes sense to me.

Baby Shower

In theory, I get why no one would expect a shower for her 5th child, and I didn't. But one of my close friends opted to throw me one anyway. Let me just say that when you don't do anything to celebrate the anticipated arrival of one of your children, it does make the pregnancy feel pretty unremarkable. I was insistent that I wanted NOTHING done when expecting Caroline, and I regret it. My grandmother insisted that we do something when I was pregnant with Elisa, and it made me a lot happier than I thought it would. This time, I kinda sorta needed a shower because I got rid of everything as Elisa outgrew it-toys and clothes-and I was grateful someone offered to do one for me. I didn't pick the date, I didn't send the invites, I was just told when and where to show up and that's what I did today. And again, it was worth it. Unfortunately, because my life can't be without drama of the most annoying sort, there was another shower for someone else where I attend church today. Well, she doesn't attend there, her relatives do. She generally views us churchgoers with an attitude just beneath scornful. (She was one of the youth I worked with, and she was pretty much rude to us when she bothered to show up at all.) But, based on the fact that absolutely no one from that congregation showed up today, I guess I was deemed the "less deserving" of the two of us. Frankly, it hurts. But you know who did show up? People from the congregation we left when we moved four years ago. It was a diaper/wipes/baby needs themed shower, and everyone was very generous. I had a great time visiting with all of them again, and really enjoyed the little impromptu talent show all our kids put on for us at the end of the party. And while I know moving here was the right thing, it's days like this that sometimes make me second guess that just a little. (In church terms, I have been visit taught exactly three times in the four years since we moved here.) BUT, as they say in Italy "si tira avanti" ("one moves forward") and I will.

Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen seems to have a new hub here, so I'm going to make a list today. I escaped from my house last night long enough to take my birthday gift card to Barnes & Noble and finally spend it. Even when I don't actually buy books, there is something therapeutic for me in browsing the shelves there or any other book store, really. Last night, my mind seem to dwell a lot on things I wish I had done or, at least, had done differently during my younger years. Some were sad, most were funny. This blog has already done sad this week, so here are 13 fun things I wish I had done, or done more often, when I was younger (though it's probably better that I didn't):

1. Somehow, someway smuggled in an anonymous gift-wrapped copy of Sex For Dummies to my church boyfriend's wedding reception. Needless to say, Dave and I were NOT invited; but we knew many people who were and I think we could have managed it. I really wanted to at the time, but I didn't. Had I known how ugly and awkward he was going to make my first summer back in Oklahoma when we were all in the same family ward, I totally would have. Of course, I DID come to really like his wife as time went on...but I can't imagine she would have done anything but thank me for it later. (The boy had a super-high IQ and a perfect ACT score, he needed a little humbling.)
2. Gone toilet-papering or played hotel tag with John and the rest of the boys. While John, Chris, and I had many fun adventures; for some reason we were always excluded from those two activities. The only time I ever TP'd a house was for a friend's birthday and her mom knew in advance we were going to do it. Where is the thrill in that?
3. Let myself get auctioned off as a "virgin" (someone who has never seen the show before) the first time I went to Rocky Horror. I've regretted it so much I thought about lying when we all went to see the show last Halloween, but since I was all dressed up and buying a prop bag when they asked me; I don't think I would have gotten away with it.
4. Along those lines, I also wish I had (just once) dressed up in character and acted out the show up front while it was going on-we didn't really go often enough in my youth to justify that, but I still wish I had done it.
5. Two words: Cloud-busting, or is that one word? (See the movie The Fisher King for reference)
6. Gone to OU/Texas or even OU/OSU games while I was at OU. Granted we didn't have the best team during my years in school, but what was I thinking missing those? I worked at the stadium or used the days off from classes, which were often cancelled on Fri. around those games, for other road trips. Those were fun too, but still...I missed out.
7. Eloped to Florida and honeymooned at Disney World. Dave and I were so worried about stepping on everyone else's toes when we planned our wedding that I don't think either one of us really got what we wanted out of our parents' (and by "our parents," I mean "my mother's") plans. Not to mention my church Branch President's-if I had it to do over again...but it's probably for the best anyway since I might find myself pulling a Jamie Buckman (Mad About You's last season) if I did.
8. Gone out dancing/gone to more parties with my sorority sisters. Sometimes I did, but not nearly as often as I could have. This doesn't mean I wish I had done more drinking and acting stupid, but I should have done more dancing and socializing.
9. More impromptu road trips-I still laugh about our middle of the night jaunt to Muskogee
10. OK, now I'm running out of funny things to write here. Umm...tried harder to get my driver's license since it turned out to be such an easy thing when I actually did? (Not that it sounds fun, but neither was needing everyone else to give me rides all the time.)
11. Gone to a Blazer's hockey game or the races Remington Park back when they were new, exciting things to do. I did see a Blazer's game last year (which is good since they are leaving here now), but you could tell it was no longer THE thing to do in Bricktown. (Thanks OKC Thunder) So I'm afraid that Remington Park would be just as underwhelming for a girl who spent her childhood watching Seattle Slew race on TV sitting next to her Uncle Johnny. Maybe I should see a Thunder game while that's still fun-though I think it will be for at least a few more years. (Ironic that the word "Seattle" comes up in an entry about the OKC Thunder? I think so too, and it absolutely was not on purpose.)
12. Gone to the Tumbleweed in Stillwater, just once...it was always on the to-do list. It just never happened. But I'm sure I would have loved it.
13. And finally...I really wish I had told one of my other ex-boyfriends EXACTLY what his shortcomings were. He dated me when he was a senior in high school and I was a freshman in college. He was overweight, awkward, and had a very bad haircut. I was an adorable college freshman honor's student looking better than I ever would again in my life. But, he was a talented artist and had beautiful eyes so I gave him a chance making HIM the lucky one, right? Apparently not because 6 months later he told me I was "getting chubby" (which was rich coming from him) and that his mom really didn't like me and neither did his friends in Missouri (he had just taken me there to introduce me to them) AND that he never had really liked any of my friends (even though we met because he was trying to get one of them to date him). There were a lot of things about him that were disappointing as well (am I being ladylike enough in the way I put that?) and I never, ever got enough nerve to tell him. I SO wish that I had. He had no problem ripping me to shreds and unceremoniously dumping me. Why oh why did I have to just sit there on the other end of the line (yes, he did all of this BY PHONE-classy!) and take it? So...Sean Walkup, you were a JERK when you were 19!! There, I said it. I feel better now.

Wordless Wednesday: Death by Dinos